The Last Ring
It all started after the divorce. It was a new start, a new beginning, and
a whole new world of dating with a lot more explaining.
This was 6 years ago.
6 years ago I got my first plastic ring which started the journey of laughter, fun, and relationships but also the journey of tears, heartbreaks, and questions.
These rings started innocently enough. I had just started dating again and was meeting people from all over the LA area and beyond. As a kid my dad used to take us to the arcade on the Santa Monica Pier. We would play skee ball, the old kind with the brown balls, not this new digital stuff, and take pictures in the photo booths. As I got older high school boyfriends and I would go to the arcade and then the same routine continued into my twenties. When you have a pocket full of quarters and old rigged games tickets don't come easily so after an hour or two of fun we headed to the ticket counter. I would always walk away with a plastic ring, only 10 tickets, and a symbol of a fun date. The male in question would usually have one too that went half way down his knuckle. We would take a picture, laugh, and then by the time we got to the car they would come off.
Well, when I started dating again the Santa Monica Pier became an easy date spot; cheap, fun, engaging, and you can check out their competitive side.
A couple boyfriends/ dates in I made it to the car, took off the ring, and threw it into the coin collector. But this time I realized there were a heck of a lot of rings in there. I joked to a friend that they were my tokens I take from each of my men and it became the running joke among friends and roommates. They would always ask, "Have you taken him to the Pier yet?" and laughter would ensue.
I found it quite funny until I had a whole handful of rings and years continued to pass.
I didn't understand why none of these cheap plastic tokens were turning into the gold band and diamond I was longing for. There were many nights I cried and asked why, sat with friends and discussed what wasn't working, why dating sucked, what I needed to change or fix, why I was 'broken', and on and on. Why was it that someone always liked the other one more, someone was too afraid to commit, someone couldn't develop feelings they wanted...
I remember one of the rings. The green butterfly. Just kidding, I have no idea what ring he was, plus I have like 5 green butterflies. However, this ring broke me at the time. I was so into this guy. Like romantic movie, high school crush, gab to all the girls, dreamy eyed, into this guy. He was educated, intelligent, handsome, accomplished, and so talented. I was able to open up and talk to him so easily and I laughed more than I ever had before. I wanted it to work so badly but, it didn't. The night he told me I hung up and then sat on the floor and sobbed. Ugly sobbed. It was like the flood gates had broken and all the past dates, past boyfriends, break ups, hurt, and sadness from the past years came pouring out to the floor. I literally cried myself to sleep that night.
With the next ring came a longer relationship. This relationship had so many spiritual encounters and felt so guided by God's hand. However, after months, I still wasn't developing those love feelings. I had no idea what was wrong but they weren't coming. I finally kneeled and earnestly prayed about the guy and my heart and felt it wasn't right. This was equally as confusing because I had had so many promptings to stay and to make it work over the previous months. I knew I was going to crush the guy but I also knew what I needed to do. After that ring I truly thought I was broken; incapable of feeling love. Maybe I was too old, too set in my ways, too independent, too...
A few more rings. A few more stories.
And then another match on another dating site. I had matched with this guy before a few months earlier but it was a short conversation and didn't go anywhere so when we matched again I was a little more aggressive. After a few messages and phone calls he asked me out... to the Santa Monica Pier. His idea was dinner and mine was of course the arcade. So, we did both and I once again walked away with a ring that once again ended up in my very full coin collector.
Six dates later I texted my mom and best friend: Mark my work on this day, he is THE one.
Just like that, I knew. I knew he was the one I was going to marry, or at this point, hoped I would marry.
What changed? I did.
Could I have married the other guys? Sure. Could it have worked out? Maybe. Could I have been happy with them? Probably. But did it happen? No.
And I know it was because of the Lord and his timing.
Now, let's get religious for a moment. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I believe in eternal families. I believe in marriages that last for time and all eternity. I believe in progression, in Jesus Christ, in the bible, the Book of Mormon, in modern day prophets and apostles, in revelation, in serving your fellow man, in prayer, in spiritual guidance through the Holy Ghost. I also believe there are temples today same as in the ancient days where we can go to worship, learn, and make covenants with God.
In our church we marry in the temple, the house of the Lord, where we are sealed together. We kneel across from one another at an altar where we join hands and make promises to one another and God.
In our church this is a big deal because it is the number one most important decision you will make in your life since you are choosing a partner... forever.
We always say: the right person, the right time, the right place.
I never had the right place.
I had struggled with the temple, deeply struggled to understand, my heart was closed, my worldly eyes were fully open, and I wasn't ready to let God in. After many years my heart was finally softened, I started to read the scriptures, fast, pray, seek council, talk with loved ones, and ask a lot of questions.
My heart changed completely. I remember calling a friend and getting teary eyed as I said I want to go back to the temple and I want you to take me. I recall feeling like someone else was saying those words as my earthly body watched. It was a really special experience.
I went every week for six months in an effort to better understand my religion, Jesus Christ, and the covenants I was making to God and you know what... it was in that time that I met Ben. It was in that time that we started dating. It was in that time that my testimony and understanding of the gospel of Jesus Christ grew stronger. Ben and I would have never worked without this change. We would have never made covenants that sealed us together through time and all eternity without this change. I would have never traded my plastic rings for a stunning flawless diamond laid in a gold band without this change.
I am in no way saying that you have to be a temple going member of my church to finally stop dating and find your Mr. Right. What I am saying is
There is a God. He does know you. He does have your best interest at heart. He hears your prayers, your cries, your sobs. He listens. He wants you to have joy. He is working on you. He is working on him. He has his timing for a reason.
Maybe you aren't ready. Maybe your spouse isn't ready. Maybe someone else used their free agency to mess things up. Maybe there is more growing that needs to happen. But he is there.
Don't give up. Don't give in. No matter how many plastic rings you collect there is something a little more shiny waiting.
Enjoy the journey.
