Showing posts with label Personal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Personal. Show all posts

Wednesday, January 1, 2020

A Decade of Living

A decade. Ten years. Ten years doesn't seem like that long until you realize that you will be lucky to get 9 of those in your life. It seems like even longer when you realize you are a third way through it. This is my third decade and probably the one that has impacted me the most. The last years have been like a lot of peoples: full of ups, downs, happy, sad, fun, boring... basically, life.
I do feel for posterity sake and reflecting it is important to reminisce and since aside from travel blogging I rarely keep a journal I shall take a moment to reflect back on the decade here.
The highlights:
- Got married, the first time.
- Changed schools three times, as it was the height of the teaching freezes and years of pink slips.
- Taught over 300 kids.
- Moved 11 times.
- Got divorced.
- Quit work.
- Lived in Fiji, Lithuania, and China while volunteering.
- Traveled to Fiji, Denmark, Lithuania x2, Latvia, Norway, Sweden,  Finland, Estonia, Germany, Czech Republic, Italy, Mexico, France, , Austria, Hungary, Poland, England, Netherlands, China, Turkey, Switzerland x2, Costa Rica, Uganda, Thailand, United Arab Emirates, Nepal, Portugal, Spain, Qatar, Bangladesh, Ireland, Northern Ireland
- Completed humanitarian missions in: Fiji, Uganda, Nepal, Mexico and Bangladesh
- Started Global Read Aloud
- Started No Fluff Teaching Stuff
- Got Engaged
- Got Married
- Lost a Grandma
- Mom diagnosed with cancer
- Mom in remission
- 2 nephews born
- visited a dozen national parks
- lost 2 dogs
- gained 2 dogs
- spoke at a tech conference
- logged over 100 hours feeding baby squirrels, opossums, and birds
- harvested honey
-closed my photography business
-served in dozens of committees at work

Ten years is a lot. I'm sure I have not touched the surface but these are the big things coming to mind at the moment. 
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Monday, August 5, 2019

Married

Three weeks ago I got married. Here is the narrative of that wonderful day to help me remember in 50 years.

Friday, July 12 we got sealed in the Newport Beach Temple at 2:00. When we got there I was so hungry I texted Abby and said get some snack packs from Ralphs. She had those waiting in the bride room and as I sat there waiting to go to the Celestial room Sarah and I ate grapes, crackers, and cheese and chocolate lol. Then I headed to the Celestial room to sit with Ben until our guests were seated. It was a small ceremony of about 20 people- my best friends and his immediate family. Some of my aunts and uncles from my mom's side were there and Brother Dalton- someone Ben grew up with sealed us. I think the greatest part of the sealing is that we are sealed for time and all eternity and never have to have the "death do you part." The sealing was intimate and sweet. I didn't get emotional which I definitely thought I would but just being there with him was great. 
When it was over we were greeted outside the temple by everyone and all the little kids. We took lots of pictures - it was way too hot and I was so over it- come to find out Ben never ate his snacks so he was beyond done with photos lol. We headed to the park across the street for a little luncheon and family visit. 

I remember standing in Nanci's living room with my arm linked in my dads saying oh I am going to cry and he responded don't start that or I will too. Then we both started to cry as Marry Me played by Train and he escorted me down the aisle. I remember walking out, teary eyed, and being blasted by smoke. My first thought was the bbq was the worst idea. Luckily as I continued the smoke cleared and Ben appeared. Standing there on top of the rocks (We did our reception in his parent's backyard. They have a massive pool and a big rock structure waterfall. When we were trying to decided where to have the ceremony Ben suggested let's just do it on the waterfall center of the yard. First I laughed at him until I realized it was actually a really cute location.) My dad walked me up to him, Abby took my bouquet, and Ben and I held hands. I had two memories: 1. Wow that is a lot of people, if I keep my hair pulled out front I can hide. 2. Why are people drinking beer? Did they bring their own-- I forgot we had long neck Rootbeer. My dad then performed a sweet ceremony where he cried and I cried and Ben... Ben didn't cry, lol. I then went first with my vows and started to cry so hard. I couldn't say them. So I stood there in front of everyone until I could compose myself enough to speak. Then Ben talked. It was so sweet.

Once vows were done my dad introduced us and the music Best Day of My Life stated to play- flower girls started to exit and then Barry, Ben's dad came out of nowhere and wanted to talk. Hahaha. He is cute. Unfortunately, we were not prepared and the mic was not working so no one could hear him. He said a scripture about a man not going to work and being home with his wife for a year. After he was done we walked out as Mr. and Mrs. 
We went out and took pictures and spent the rest of the time saying hello to people. There were SO many people there. It was introduction after introduction. Probably 200 people there. It was fun. My best friends were all there which made it a little hard because I just wanted to visit with them and spend time with them. Mikelle and Michelle drove out from Utah and Sarah flew out from Chicago with her mom and new baby.

Everyone was casual and the picnic area looked so cute! The dessert bar was perfect and full of yumminess. Ice cream and big sticks were passed, we had long neck rootbeer, a fruit stand with fresh fruit from my dad's trees. We had a BBQ going with hamburgers, hot dogs, pasta salad, chips, corn. We had a firepit in the back with s'mores. Games were on all the tables. I remember trying to play the dance music and getting that to go but it never started lol. Ben and I danced to I prayed for you and it was sweet to just be with him. We cut our little tiny Sprinkles lemon and coconut cake- so delicious and ate Diddy Reise cookies. My only regrets there were not saving some for the next day. 
When we did our sparkler exit someone stepped on my dress and the back popped open and seem ripped- so I had to hold it up as we left and then someone was blocking us in so we just went back in the house LOL.

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Friday, July 26, 2019

The Last Ring

The Last Ring
It all started after the divorce. It was a new start, a new beginning, and 
a whole new world of dating with a lot more explaining. 
This was 6 years ago. 
6 years ago I got my first plastic ring which started the journey of laughter, fun, and relationships but also the journey of tears, heartbreaks, and questions.

These rings started innocently enough. I had just started dating again and was meeting people from all over the LA area and beyond. As a kid my dad used to take us to the arcade on the Santa Monica Pier. We would play skee ball, the old kind with the brown balls, not this new digital stuff, and take pictures in the photo booths. As I got older high school boyfriends and I would go to the arcade and then the same routine continued into my twenties. When you have a pocket full of quarters and old rigged games tickets don't come easily so after an hour or two of fun we headed to the ticket counter. I would always walk away with a plastic ring, only 10 tickets, and a symbol of a fun date. The male in question would usually have one too that went half way down his knuckle. We would take a picture, laugh, and then by the time we got to the car they would come off. 

Well, when I started dating again the Santa Monica Pier became an easy date spot; cheap, fun, engaging, and you can check out their competitive side. 
A couple boyfriends/ dates in I made it to the car, took off the ring, and threw it into the coin collector. But this time I realized there were a heck of a lot of rings in there.  I joked to a friend that they were my tokens I take from each of my men and it became the running joke among friends and roommates. They would always ask, "Have you taken him to the Pier yet?" and laughter would ensue. 
I found it quite funny until I had a whole handful of rings and years continued to pass.  

I didn't understand why none of these cheap plastic tokens were turning into the gold band and diamond I was longing for. There were many nights I cried and asked why, sat with friends and discussed what wasn't working, why dating sucked, what  I needed to change or fix, why I was 'broken', and on and on. Why was it that someone always liked the other one more, someone was too afraid to commit, someone couldn't develop feelings they wanted...

I remember one of the rings. The green butterfly. Just kidding, I have no idea what ring he was, plus I have like 5 green butterflies. However, this ring broke me at the time. I was so into this guy. Like romantic movie, high school crush, gab to all the girls, dreamy eyed, into this guy. He was educated, intelligent, handsome, accomplished, and so talented. I was able to open up and talk to him so easily and I laughed more than I ever had before. I wanted it to work so badly but, it didn't. The night he told me I hung up and then sat on the floor and sobbed. Ugly sobbed. It was like the flood gates had broken and all the past dates, past boyfriends, break ups, hurt, and sadness from the past years came pouring out to the floor. I literally cried myself to sleep that night. 

With the next ring came a longer relationship. This relationship had so many spiritual encounters and felt so guided by God's hand. However, after months, I still wasn't developing those love feelings. I had no idea what was wrong but they weren't coming. I finally kneeled and earnestly prayed about the guy and my heart and felt it wasn't right. This was equally as confusing because I had had so many promptings to stay and to make it work over the previous months. I knew I was going to crush the guy but I also knew what I needed to do. After that ring I truly thought I was broken; incapable of feeling love. Maybe I was too old, too set in my ways, too independent, too...
A few more rings. A few more stories. 

And then another match on another dating site. I had matched with this guy before a few months earlier but it was a short conversation and didn't go anywhere so when we matched again I was a little more aggressive. After a few messages and phone calls he asked me out... to the Santa Monica Pier. His idea was dinner and mine was of course the arcade. So, we did both and I once again walked away with a ring that once again ended up in my very full coin collector. 
Six dates later I texted my mom and best friend: Mark my work on this day, he is THE one. 
Just like that, I knew. I knew he was the one I was going to marry, or at this point, hoped I would marry. 

What changed? I did. 
Could I have married the other guys? Sure. Could it have worked out? Maybe. Could I have been happy with them? Probably. But did it happen? No. 
And I know it was because of the Lord and his timing. 

Now, let's get religious for a moment. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I believe in eternal families. I believe in marriages that last for time and all eternity. I believe in progression, in Jesus Christ, in the bible, the Book of Mormon, in modern day prophets and apostles, in revelation, in serving your fellow man, in prayer, in spiritual guidance through the Holy Ghost. I also believe there are temples today same as in the ancient days where we can go to worship, learn, and make covenants with God. 
In our church we marry in the temple, the house of the Lord, where we are sealed together. We kneel across from one another at an altar where we join hands and make promises to one another and God. 
In our church this is a big deal because it is the number one most important decision you will make in your life since you are choosing a partner... forever. 
We always say: the right person, the right time, the right place.
I never had the right place.

I had struggled with the temple, deeply struggled to understand, my heart was closed, my worldly eyes were fully open, and I wasn't ready to let God in. After many years my heart was finally softened, I started to read the scriptures, fast, pray, seek council, talk with loved ones, and ask a lot of questions.
My heart changed completely. I remember calling a friend and getting teary eyed as I said I want to go back to the temple and I want you to take me. I recall feeling like someone else was saying those words as my earthly body watched. It was a really special experience. 
I went every week for six months in an effort to better understand my religion, Jesus Christ, and the covenants I was making to God and you know what... it was in that time that I met Ben. It was in that time that we started dating. It was in that time that my testimony and understanding of the gospel of Jesus Christ grew stronger. Ben and I would have never worked without this change. We would have never made covenants that sealed us together through time and all eternity without this change. I would have never traded my plastic rings for a stunning flawless diamond laid in a gold band without this change.

I am in no way saying that you have to be a temple going member of my church to finally stop dating and find your Mr. Right. What I am saying is 
There is a God. He does know you. He does have your best interest at heart. He hears your prayers, your cries, your sobs. He listens. He wants you to have joy. He is working on you. He is working on him. He has his timing for a reason. 
Maybe you aren't ready. Maybe your spouse isn't ready. Maybe someone else used their free agency to mess things up. Maybe there is more growing that needs to happen. But he is there. 
Don't give up. Don't give in. No matter how many plastic rings you collect there is something a little more shiny waiting. 
Enjoy the journey.
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Sunday, July 15, 2018

I Just Threw Away 1,000 Pounds of Food


"There are hungry kids in China," every mother has said when her children won't finish their food. Yes, there are hungry kids in every country but we can't mail them our leftovers. However, the deeper underlying meaning of eat your food, only take what you can eat, be grateful you have something on your plate, and finish your freaking dinner, are all still there. Food waste, convenience packaging,  ignorance, and laziness in America have come to an all time high and I am at a complete loss of what to do. Yesterday my inner environmentalist ballooned out with a fury and then deflated and brought me to tears.
    Each month I find some sort of local community outreach volunteer project. I rope Abby into coming and it has just become a monthly tradition. This month we picked an organization, which for now, until I do further research on them and give them time to respond to my letters, will remain unnamed. I was super excited about their mission and that we would get some actual deep service helping to feed those in need. Upon arrival we were floored with the fact that 200 other people also showed up at 8:30 on a Saturday to serve. All sorts of groups were there to assist the needy and do what they could. There was a great spirit in the room and a lot of pears. When I mean a lot, I mean about 10,000 pounds. We gathered around the enormous boxes and figured we would be bagging pears into more manageable containers. However, the volunteer coordinator then put us into about 5 groups. Our group was assigned to the giant walk in fridge. Here were pallets upon pallets of food donated by ________, a huge company. This company will also remained unnamed until they have had a chance to respond to my letters and I have had a chance to educate myself more on the laws and hoops they have to jump through.
    I was super excited to see that this big company had donated so many pallets of food they weren't going to be able to use. That excitement lasted all of 2 minutes until I started to learn the truth of what happens.
Medicine. Immediately throw it out.
But, but, but.... it's just over the counter- throw it out.
But, it is vitamins- throw it out
Probiotics? Throw it out.
Cough drops? Throw it out.  THEY DON'T EXPIRE UNTIL OCTOBER! Throw it out.
There goes about 10 cases of perfectly good items- straight into the trash. We didn't open and dump, sort, recycle, nope- straight into the trash. Hello landfill. Not to mention the time, energy, resources it took to make those in the first place, deliver them twice, and now to be disposed of.
Ok, so there must be some law about medicine, vitamins, anything that says "consult a doctor". But... could the volunteers take them home? Could you partner with another organization that can use them? I am pretty sure there is some way to not throw them all away! Also, why is the big company sending them if you just toss everything? Why not tell them what you can and cannot accept. The big company could donate them to someone who would actually use them. Or they could sell these items at half off when they are 6 months out from sell by date. Why would you want to pay for their trash fees anyway? And if we are going to just "throw it away" can we at least dispose of it responsibly?
         Mind blown. Ok. Quell your anger and frustration and keep working.  So I kept working until....
Where does baby food go? Throw it away.
WHAT?
This is literally smashed pears in a squeezy tube. Throw it away.
All of it?
Throw it away.
More cases of perfectly good food- trashed. I am sure there are no hungry babies or toddlers anywhere, that must be why we are throwing it away. Insert deep sarcasm. Also, I would totally eat those smooshed pairs in the squeezy tube that is already a huge waste of plastic- don't get me started.
Jessica, just keep working. You are here to volunteer. Change your attitude.
Excuse me where do we put these flowers? Throw them away.
Are you kidding me?
Throw it away. You can remove the boxes and recycle them then compost the flowers.
By the way reader we are talking flowers, in boxes, that you would send to your loved ones for like $50. Oh we had a whole pallet. Throw it away.
Not only that but when I questioned how to open, correctly sort the parts and compost and recycle the girl was like just put it in the recycling. Ok but I can't put the flower food in there, nor the flowers, nor the tape.... put it in the trash.
At this point I am thinking " Put it in the trash" is this non profit's motto.
So.... why not take all of these great boxed flowers and deliver them with food to the families you serve, or put them outside the warehouse and send them home as a thank you with your 200 volunteers. Or give all the packets of flower food to a florist to use.  I know my wildlife center uses flowers in the bird's cages. What about homes for the elderly, can't we go deliver them?
Throw them away.
Animal food?
Throw it away.
Are you kidding?! Local shelters, including the one I volunteer at, spend $$$$$$$$$ to feed their animal. I am pretty sure the families you serve also probably have pets. The lady right across your street who is homeless has a hungry dog.
Organic, free range, no hormones, yada chicken breasts. Oh the sell by date was yesterday.... Throw it away.
High quality cuts of steak- throw it away.
Dude the sell by date is NOT the expiration date.
Ice Cream- throw it away.
Ok once again if you can't take ice cream why not tell the company and stop accepting it.
At this point I had literally teared up. I was throwing away so SO much meat you cannot even fathom. I was mad at the big box company for having this much excess, I was mad at the non profit for tossing everything, I was mad at society for making a 'I will sue you' everyone is afraid of being sued so we have stupid laws, I was mad at everyone in the room for not caring, I was hurting for all the hunger, all the skin and bone children, and people I have seen begging, and literally starving to death, as I stood here surrounded by food that I was told' throw that away'. I was thinking of the lady and the dog literally across the street in a makeshift house of boxes and tarps who we had given granola bars to earlier and how I could feed her and all of Skid Row for a year on what we threw away in one hour. My mind couldn't get over all the pain and hunger I have seen in my travels as I stood here surrounded by so much excess.
At this point I was so emotional and teary eyed that I told Abby we had to move to a different group. She knew how hard it was for me.
The pears! Let's go back to the pears. We walked out and... the pears were done. We started to help build boxes for the next load: carrots. That is when I saw the dumpster.
Imagine a dumpster- one the size you would find at an apartment complex.... completely full of pears. What the heck? There's got to be hundreds and hundreds of pounds of pears in here....
Some, very few, had mushy spots or broken skin but the majority just had sun spots, lines, or cuts on the skin. Throw it away.
At this point I could  not control it. I stepped outside and through held back tears texted my mom a stream of thoughts, angers, frustrations, and feeling completely helpless just stood there. Build the boxes I told myself. Think of all the people they are feeding, think of all that food from the big box company that would have just gone in the trash, think of the millions of meals they give people each year, think of the laws and binds they have to be under. So, I build boxes. I folded and built lots of boxes and thought about this society we created where we can't give food away because someone might get sick and sue us, I thought about the society we created where we won't eat a banana if it is too long or short, where if an apple is misshapen it is thrown away, where appearance of food matters more than the food. I thought about a society where we turned farming into factory farming which is ruining our environment and has turned animals into a money symbol. I thought about all of my humanitarian trips and the need around the world and also the lack of waste in other countries and how everything is used because it is precious.
So how do we change an entire nation? How do we get people to know that a sell by date is not an expiration date and that the expiration date is still early to keep the company from getting sued? How do we educate people on food waste? How do we stop a consumer society from consuming unnecessary plastic, paper, and resources in the name of convenience? How do we solve the problem of the waste in just this one facility?
I can't even fathom the grander scale because this is just one shop in one town.
Guys, I know there are laws, I know they are trying, I know they are an organization that is doing so much good, but I also know they can do better.
What about a network of nonprofits? An app that connects them? People could post what came in, what they can't use, how much of it they have and when they need to pick it up? What about partnering with local farmers and animal organizations that need to feed animals that would gladly eat the carrot that was imperfect or didn't snap right? What about not accepting items you can't use from big box companies? What if that company didn't only care about overall profits and sold the items at a discount before they "expired"? What if that company donated to an organization that could take it? Hire some volunteers and work just a little harder to save millions of pounds of food a year. I am going to personally volunteer to help them with it and I know there are more people like me. Together we can change.
You can only buy what you need at the grocery store, meal plan, don't throw away your leftovers just because you don't like leftovers. Don't over buy. If food is about to go bad package it up and take it to your local homeless man on the corner. Don't have one? I will tell you where to find them. I take them all the leftovers and food that I know I won't be able to eat and when we ask: Are you hungry? We have never, ever, had someone refuse the food we bring them. Stop "throwing it away" and make a difference in your own household and I will try to make a difference on the grander scale.
My heart broke yesterday but I am determined to do something about it. Now I just need to find the higher ups who will listen.

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